just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
