Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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