I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sober January is a disaster.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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