A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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