You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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