Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He shit in the fireplace
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
