Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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