you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
