Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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