I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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