I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
