thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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