I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
