i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
