I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
