I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
