she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
