Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We have so much sex to catch up on
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
