Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I didn't notice because vodka
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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