Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
