Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
barbara walters just said penis...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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