I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
