dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you