im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..