then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?