That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.