Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.