So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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