why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
