Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
