I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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