I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
false alarm, still single
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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