dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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