I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
