dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
