There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize