Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
