My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
