Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
