I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
