No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
