Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
