I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
