Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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