If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
