You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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