You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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