So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
