the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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