Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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