Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
