tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
