She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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