There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
