Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need to calm my uterus...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
