Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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