just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
