I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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