You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
