I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
