You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
