Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
