You're completely useless in the revolution.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i drank out of a bidet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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