You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize