I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize